the System

Since we have been having multiple defcon 4 nuclear meltdowns on a daily basis, we decided that it was time for a System. Yes, with a capital S. At first, I thought that I would buy a reward chart at the dollar store. Then, I started looking at printables. Finally, I realized that it would be easiest to just design my own and then laminate it using our handy-dandy home laminator. Yes, the one that Jason bought and I said we'd never use.

Basically, Nathan will start the day with 10 dinosaurs. If there's a problem, we will X out one of the dinosaurs. At the bottom, the rewards are shown. I decided to do it this way (lose dinosaurs rather than earn one) because he is still a little too young for the concept of "DON'T have a tantrum and you will GET something." Better to say "hold it together, or you will lose a dinosaur for today!"

Depending on how many dinos he ends up with, he can earn videos (watching a youtube video of crocodiles, volcanoes, whatever) and he can earn tokens, which we will probably have to use pirate money for. From there, it's a straightforward token economy system. Once a week, he will get to go shopping in our "store" for prizes. I like that it also teaches the value of money and saving vs. spending. Also, using the token system will allow us to throw in unexpected "bonus tokens" when he's having a really good day.

Somehow, in researching reward systems I ended up down the Pinterest rabbit hole and so also found and then made a few cool daily schedule placemats. I'm hoping that these reminders will keep both Nathan in some sense of structure and me on top of my mental "to-do" list for us for the day. I EVEN thought (yes, I know this is possibly a bit over the top) that I could eventually, once I start school, prewrite the placemats to make each day's routine ready to go in front of us. 

Lastly, I thought I would make one of these seemingly handy gadgets. 

So here's what I ended up with:

Reward Chart:

Placemats:

Prizes: 

A lot of these are things I'd already planned to give him, but was just saving for a rainy day. Is that wrong, do you think? A few, admittedly, are Christmas presents that I had saved because we were just on present overload. 

Report coming next week on whether this System works...

Noah says: just kidding!

He really didn't get the memo after all. The past two nights have been B-A-D. He has been waking up at least every three hours and refuses to go back to sleep unless I feed him. I tried feeding him just a little bit in case it was just out of habit, but then he wakes up just 30-45 minutes later to eat again. I really am at a loss now. I'm exhausted.

Yesterday was one of those days where I would have been happy for school to start immediately. Noah was fine (he always is, during the daytime), but the lingering effects of sleeplessness don't help my patience level with Nathan. Yesterday was just a whole collection of things. He woke up at 6:30 (he knows he's not allowed up until 7) and came into our bed; Jason told him he could stay if he was quiet. He wasn't quiet, but didn't want to go back to his own bed. Then he wanted a toy, I told him okay but pick a quiet one, so what did he choose? His "clacker" and his riding motorcycle. Really?? Up next is his maddening habit of saying "huh," "what," or "what'd you say" to EVERYTHING. It's so frustrating because I know he hears us, he just isn't listening. But if I refuse to repeat what I just said, he just looks at me blankly. If I tell him it's not funny, he says "I'm a clownfish!" Sigh. Then there were the multiple nuclear meltdowns over absolutely nothing that prevented us from doing pretty much anything constructive (I did, as I mentioned on Facebook, manage to vacuum the floors to a spotless condition). After 90 minutes of fighting him on naptime, he FINALLY went to sleep, right before Jason got home.

Despite all this, I really tried to close my eyes, breathe deeply, and be thankful for the time at home with the boys.

Here's to a better day today.

he got the memo

Noah apparently got the memo, because last night he at at 10 and then held out till 4 and 7 a.m. (I had to give him his paci at 2 and 3, but not feed him). I feel fantastic and well-rested today, and am holding out hope that somehow my rant and putting my feelings out there caused a shift in the universe and now Noah will sleep through the night!

My kid eats like clockwork

Which would be great, and actually pretty convenient, if "clockwork" didn't mean every 3 hours at night. ARGH. Of course, before having a newborn again, I knew there would be some rough times ahead. I knew there would be several months of getting up every few hours. And I was okay with it. When Noah arrived, it turned out that he slept great for a newborn, up to 5 hours at a stretch sometimes. No more.

Most of the time, he is up at 12, 3, and 6, or some variation on that theme. We have tried several different things:
- "dreamfeed" him at 11 p.m. to try to catch a 5-6 hour stretch, doesn't work
- formula feed for last feed of night, doesn't work
- cry it out when we wakes up, doesn't work (more like I can't take it after 10 minutes or so, so I feed him)

Today, I started working on better sleep hygiene in general, and also started keeping track of naps and meals. By sleep hygiene, I mean that he took all of his naps in his crib rather than the swing, and I put him down awake but tired. The average for today (daytime) was 2.5 hrs between feeds and 2 hrs between naps. WTH, I have a 5 month old, not a newborn! Every 2.5 hrs during the day and every 3 at night, no wonder I'm exhausted! So, as you can you tell, I'm a little frustrated and out of ideas. I'm not asking for him to sleep 12 hours straight, just maybe a 5 or 6 hour stretch. On the *few* nights that he's only gotten up at 4 a.m., I feel fabulous the next day. My ultimate goal is to have him sleeping through the night before school starts in May, but I REALLY would love to see some progress by then.

OK, /end rant.

January update

Well, we might just be a tad overdue for a post, do you think?

With the holidays behind us, things are finally starting to settle down. Here's a rundown of what's been going on:

Christmas/Hanukkah- lots of family time, lots and lots of presents, lots of reading the Grinch book. The holiday season culminated in the great meltdown of 2011, in which Nathan became hysterical because santa brought him a new couch and put his old one away. Go figure.

Noah- we have just in the past week started giving him solids (cereal and sweet potato) and, drumroll, he FINALLY rolled over, 1 day before his 5 month birthday. He's starting to be able to sit up on his own for a few seconds unassisted, and has taken to trying to sit up in his swing, which may mean his swinging days are numbered. No, he's not sleeping through the night. Boo. He sometimes sleeps until 4 a.m., which is tolerable, but most nights he's up at 1 a.m. and again at 4 a.m.

Nathan's school- Nathan just finished his second week of school and is loving it. He does lots of "lessons" which include puzzles, artwork, and more. Unfortunately he has a bully in his class, I am waiting to see if things improve before interfering. Also, Nathan tends to be oversensitive and I don't want to encourage that by being hyper-responsive. 

As for me, I'm somehow 1 pound away from my pre-pregnancy weight, despite many holiday transgressions. I managed to fit into most of my old jeans just in time for the recent cold weather. I don't know how either of these things are possible, since my body doesn't look ANYTHING like it did before. Lots of work still to be done, hopefully with time there will be improvement. No, you don't get a picture for this paragraph :)

That's about it, I'm counting the days to our cruise (41!!!) and hoping that Nathan naps just a little bit longer today so that I can relax for a minute :)

Happy Holidays!

With the holidays upon us and Nathan old enough to be asking questions, I have put a lot of thought into religion (and my approach to it) lately. I am actively trying to find ways to incorporate social justice underpinnings to all of the Jewish and Christian holidays so that I might teach them in that context as the boys grow older.

The one thing I'm NOT worried about is bastardizing our religions. After all, isn't that what different denominations and interpretations of the same book already do? I don't see it as any different that I would reframe messages and stories in a way that both honors Jason's and my respective cultures and avoids the "God" side of religion. 

I have decided that there is a fundamental difference between beliefs and values; values are core things that are ok to pass on to my kids- universal in nature. Beliefs are things that I personally might agree with but I'd rather my kids decide for themselves. So, I've decided that I will teach religious themes in the context of values only, not beliefs (teaching that Jesus was a person who worked for peace and justice teaches those values without other attribution, but I'll leave off the belief that he died for my sins, etc.). Also, I plan to teach the stories as parables rather than as if they actually happened. They can decide that for themselves. The UU church will allow me to do just that without breaking anyone's preconceived notion of whether I am "spiritual" or "religious" enough to be admitted. :)

Along with this line of thinking comes concerns about how I will answer questions of an existential nature- when I don't really know what answers I believe in myself:

How does one (will I) cope with the inevitable eventuality of  loss?

If bad things happen to good people, how do we go through life enjoying every moment and not being scared at the possibilities or limiting our experiences in order to protect ourselves or our children from potential harm?

What does it matter what good we do if, when we're gone, we're gone?

How do we accept that things are interconnected and interdependent while still acknowledging that our individual actions matter greatly? 

How do we reconcile our beliefs about fairness among all people and stewardship of the planet with our behavior?

I am overwhelmingly happy about the prospect of getting to teach Nathan and Noah some of the most important stuff they'll ever learn. At the same time, I'm unbelievably scared at being saddled with this pretty huge responsibility. I feel like I'd better get my own spiritual house in order before the questions start coming fast and furious. And with Nathan already asking lots of questions, and lots of precocious ones at that, I don't think it'll be too long. 

Before I finish up this post, I should add one thing. You'll notice that I haven't mentioned Jason's beliefs or desires in this matter. He's kind of aspiritual (yes, I know I made that word up). 


For me, having a child was spiritually awakening, because to care for someone as much as you care for your own child is a scary thing that demands a better working knowledge of how to let them grow without feeling compelled to lock them in a room forever just to keep them safe (and knowing deep down that even locking them up can't prevent tragedy), and also because no matter what you believe in, creating, birthing, and growing a child is a miracle. 


Jason, on the other hand, not only disavows any spiritual beliefs, but also doesn't seem to be searching for answers to the questions I've posed. He's just comfortable without having a grasp of where we go, how we deal, or why things happen. He has agreed to go to ONE service at the UU church with me, but I have no misconceptions about him joining. Really, I just want his seal of approval and his understanding of what Noah and Nathan will be raised in. 


So that's it, in a nutshell. Cara's guide to the holiday season. 

Growth spurt

Last week, Noah went through what is called a growth spurt (though I have LOTS of other names for it, not least of which is the-week-in-which-I-never-got-ANY-sleep). A growth spurt means basically that the baby wants to be fed every hour, day and night. This went on for about 6 days, and just when I was finally at my breaking point, he turned the corner and slept till 4 a.m. It was not only exhausting from a sleeplessness standpoint, it was emotionally trying because I was afraid that he was hungry because I wasn't making enough milk for him (really he's just eating more often to cue my body to make more milk, but because my supply dried up at 4 months with Nathan, I was worried that this was happening again). Luckily, I made it through with emotional support- not from my husband, who kept asking if he should pick up formula and fed Noah bottles when I wasn't looking- but from a few friends, one who has been there done that and one who is in the same boat as me right now. As soon as we passed the growth spurt, I noticed that he was feeding less often during the day (still not sleeping through the night, but surely this is a step in the right direction). They really do make significant changes overnight when they hit a physical or mental growth spurt!

Having to get up so much during the night reminded me that I haven't had a full night of uninterrupted sleep in just under a year. I'm really looking forward to that, but I'm not counting on it anytime soon. Last night, as soon as I fell back asleep after the 3:00 a.m. feeding, I heard Nathan yelling that he had to pee. I went in there to take him to the bathroom, and he kept saying "hurry, before the scary gets me?" After he got done peeing, he just started crying and explained to me that there were monsters in his room and they were coming to get him (I have no idea where he got this from). I asked him how to get rid of monsters, and he told me by turning on the light. So we went in his room and turned on his Lightning McQueen lamp, but apparently it didn't work, because he wanted to come into my bed and that was non-negotiable. I NEVER let Nathan sleep in my bed, but last night I made an exception in the interest of at least getting SOME rest and not having a cranky two year old the next day. My last thought as I drifted off was how thankful I am for having a king bed :)