Happy Holidays!

With the holidays upon us and Nathan old enough to be asking questions, I have put a lot of thought into religion (and my approach to it) lately. I am actively trying to find ways to incorporate social justice underpinnings to all of the Jewish and Christian holidays so that I might teach them in that context as the boys grow older.

The one thing I'm NOT worried about is bastardizing our religions. After all, isn't that what different denominations and interpretations of the same book already do? I don't see it as any different that I would reframe messages and stories in a way that both honors Jason's and my respective cultures and avoids the "God" side of religion. 

I have decided that there is a fundamental difference between beliefs and values; values are core things that are ok to pass on to my kids- universal in nature. Beliefs are things that I personally might agree with but I'd rather my kids decide for themselves. So, I've decided that I will teach religious themes in the context of values only, not beliefs (teaching that Jesus was a person who worked for peace and justice teaches those values without other attribution, but I'll leave off the belief that he died for my sins, etc.). Also, I plan to teach the stories as parables rather than as if they actually happened. They can decide that for themselves. The UU church will allow me to do just that without breaking anyone's preconceived notion of whether I am "spiritual" or "religious" enough to be admitted. :)

Along with this line of thinking comes concerns about how I will answer questions of an existential nature- when I don't really know what answers I believe in myself:

How does one (will I) cope with the inevitable eventuality of  loss?

If bad things happen to good people, how do we go through life enjoying every moment and not being scared at the possibilities or limiting our experiences in order to protect ourselves or our children from potential harm?

What does it matter what good we do if, when we're gone, we're gone?

How do we accept that things are interconnected and interdependent while still acknowledging that our individual actions matter greatly? 

How do we reconcile our beliefs about fairness among all people and stewardship of the planet with our behavior?

I am overwhelmingly happy about the prospect of getting to teach Nathan and Noah some of the most important stuff they'll ever learn. At the same time, I'm unbelievably scared at being saddled with this pretty huge responsibility. I feel like I'd better get my own spiritual house in order before the questions start coming fast and furious. And with Nathan already asking lots of questions, and lots of precocious ones at that, I don't think it'll be too long. 

Before I finish up this post, I should add one thing. You'll notice that I haven't mentioned Jason's beliefs or desires in this matter. He's kind of aspiritual (yes, I know I made that word up). 


For me, having a child was spiritually awakening, because to care for someone as much as you care for your own child is a scary thing that demands a better working knowledge of how to let them grow without feeling compelled to lock them in a room forever just to keep them safe (and knowing deep down that even locking them up can't prevent tragedy), and also because no matter what you believe in, creating, birthing, and growing a child is a miracle. 


Jason, on the other hand, not only disavows any spiritual beliefs, but also doesn't seem to be searching for answers to the questions I've posed. He's just comfortable without having a grasp of where we go, how we deal, or why things happen. He has agreed to go to ONE service at the UU church with me, but I have no misconceptions about him joining. Really, I just want his seal of approval and his understanding of what Noah and Nathan will be raised in. 


So that's it, in a nutshell. Cara's guide to the holiday season. 

Growth spurt

Last week, Noah went through what is called a growth spurt (though I have LOTS of other names for it, not least of which is the-week-in-which-I-never-got-ANY-sleep). A growth spurt means basically that the baby wants to be fed every hour, day and night. This went on for about 6 days, and just when I was finally at my breaking point, he turned the corner and slept till 4 a.m. It was not only exhausting from a sleeplessness standpoint, it was emotionally trying because I was afraid that he was hungry because I wasn't making enough milk for him (really he's just eating more often to cue my body to make more milk, but because my supply dried up at 4 months with Nathan, I was worried that this was happening again). Luckily, I made it through with emotional support- not from my husband, who kept asking if he should pick up formula and fed Noah bottles when I wasn't looking- but from a few friends, one who has been there done that and one who is in the same boat as me right now. As soon as we passed the growth spurt, I noticed that he was feeding less often during the day (still not sleeping through the night, but surely this is a step in the right direction). They really do make significant changes overnight when they hit a physical or mental growth spurt!

Having to get up so much during the night reminded me that I haven't had a full night of uninterrupted sleep in just under a year. I'm really looking forward to that, but I'm not counting on it anytime soon. Last night, as soon as I fell back asleep after the 3:00 a.m. feeding, I heard Nathan yelling that he had to pee. I went in there to take him to the bathroom, and he kept saying "hurry, before the scary gets me?" After he got done peeing, he just started crying and explained to me that there were monsters in his room and they were coming to get him (I have no idea where he got this from). I asked him how to get rid of monsters, and he told me by turning on the light. So we went in his room and turned on his Lightning McQueen lamp, but apparently it didn't work, because he wanted to come into my bed and that was non-negotiable. I NEVER let Nathan sleep in my bed, but last night I made an exception in the interest of at least getting SOME rest and not having a cranky two year old the next day. My last thought as I drifted off was how thankful I am for having a king bed :)