What have I done?

Well, pre-school stress has kicked in. The stress of anticipation, for me anyways, is always worse than the actual "stressful" event. This week I attended CPR class and a meet n greet with some of my cohort, and I'm a somewhat sickening combination of excited, nervous, and stressed out.

Interestingly, there's been a distinct shift in my body's ability to handle stress. When I was working, I was in a constant state of stress response/arousal- cortisol flowed through my veins as much as oxygen did. Now, when I get a jolt of stress, it feels totally overwhelming. Not in a panic attack kind of way, but in a whoa, what is this strange feeling my body is having kind of way. I would say it took a good 4-6 months for the stress-y feeling to leave my body after leaving my job, but now I'm going to have to re-acclimate to that. I almost feel as if it would have been easier had I not left work, since now I'm going to have to get used to stress and a fast paced life once again, rather than just moving from one high-stress thing to another. I can see how it would be difficult for a stay at home parent to return to work, just for this reason.

On the one hand, I'm super excited about all of the stuff I'm going to learn. I'm completely satisfied with my decision to do the accelerated BSN @ UCF, because my cohort is made up of people a lot like me- same age range, similar life experience- so I don't feel like "the old one" in my class. They also seem to be a pretty smart, reliable, and congenial bunch; people I can actually count on throughout the program (I have trust issues when it comes to study groups and group projects, because a lot of times things aren't up to my standards).

On the other hand, the thought that keeps scrolling through my head like the news ticker on CNN is What Have I DONE?!?!? I left a perfectly good, well-paying job to pursue something that I THOUGHT would be my passion. But what if it turns out not to be? What if this was all a huge mistake? The rational side of me says, well, if you don't like nursing just go back to whatever it is you were doing before. You didn't have to trade in your M.M. for this degree, and you can still use the old knowledge in your brain. The money thing will work itself out. Also, when my brain says What Have I DONE?!?!, and I really think about it, I've done a lot of good stuff:
- learned to REALLY relax
- spent more time with my family
- vastly improved my relationship with my husband
- taken advantage of an irreplaceable opportunity to spend QT at home with my boys, teaching them and watching them grow

And now it's time for the next chapter. Deep breaths.