Update

Wow, I can't believe so much time has passed since I last updated! I guess we have been busy finding our groove. Today is what I consider my first day at home alone with both boys (i.e. my mom went back to South Florida and Jason's at work, so I'm technically a SAHM for the day). So far today, we have done a cooking project (baked pretzels), colored outside with sidewalk chalk, eaten lunch, and now both boys are napping. Hooray!

Tomorrow starts our first Kindermusik class (Nathan and I, Noah will attend but only as a bystander, obviously). I wanted to try and do some fun, structured, and social stuff while I'm home so that we can get out of the house and Nathan can still get some stimulation. I'm trying hard to put everything on the calendar and make sure I have a to-do list to check off each day so that I don't get bored, and projects in the "bull pen" so that Nathan doesn't get bored either.

Recovery from surgery continues to be a slow road, much more so than after I had Nathan, for whatever reason. I don't think I could handle another c-section, honestly (nor do I think I could handle three kids, for that matter!). Which brings me to the latest internal struggle. Jason has said he's definitely done at two kids, and I think for the most part I am too, I'm just having trouble coming to terms with being done having children. As much of a feminist and career woman as I am, I apparently have a lot of my identity tied up in one organ of my body, and it makes me sad to think of being done having children. Even though this last pregnancy was a little tough, and the recovery even tougher. Even though in order to give our kids everything we want to financially, we should stop at two. Even though I'm ready to move on to the next phase in life- kids growing older and becoming more independent, etc.

I've always thought the whole thing was kind of weird. You spend most of your adult life trying not to get pregnant. Then, you do a 180 and do nothing but try to get pregnant. After you have your first child, you enter the no-man's land of how far apart to space kids, how many do you want, how old your eggs are, and so on. Now, after the second child, it looks as though we're entering some new phase where we're just waiting for the kids to get older, looking towards school and no more diapers. I guess it makes me feel sort of middle-aged. Boo for that.

I'm trying to enjoy every moment and take in the newborn-ness, knowing it'll probably be the last. I'm getting rid of all my maternity clothes and baby clothes as Noah grows out of them, which is helping me make the adjustment to this mode mentally (it doesn't hurt that our house has limited storage, so I'm looking forward to having more room for other stuff).

Noah is doing well, we had him at the doctor yesterday and he is already up to 9 lbs. 9 oz., up from 8 lbs. 13 oz. just a week ago. He's more and more alert each day, and has fallen into a fairly predictable eat/sleep/poop pattern. He continues to be my mellow child, barely any crying, calms as soon as his needs are met, etc. Pics will be up on FB tomorrow!

Progress

I'm better now! The fever passed after a few days and no one else in the house got sick. I was still pretty nervous about it being an incision infection, but I guess all is well.

Circumcision

Yesterday was Noah's circ, a balancing act of near historic proportions, since Jason was at work. My mom and I took both kids to the ped office- she stayed out front with Nathan while I went back with Noah. This would have been okay except for the fact that Nathan was overtired, and then on top of that it started pouring so we had to stay in the office an extra 15 minutes (felt like hours) while we waited for it to pass. The procedure went fine, and Noah is up to 8 lbs 6 oz (from 7 7 last Thursday and 8 3 at birth). With Nathan's circumcision, the 24 hours following the procedure were pretty hellish. He was screaming, pooping, needing his gauze changed, and leaking out of the diaper. This time, I researched caring for the wound and found this site. This method of gauze application is MUCH better. Noah's response has also been totally different (more on this later). Whereas Nathan was a screaming wreck, Noah has taken it all in stride, quietly bearing the pain and just asking to be snuggled and nursed a little more than usual.

Nursing

Things are going really well in this department, another example of how two kids from the same gene pool can be as different as night and day. Noah is an easy latcher and quick and efficient eater. He'll nurse more in the day and every four hours or so at night, which is fine with me. I pretty much quit pumping a few days ago, because really what's the point? I'm planning to just pump one extra bottle every day or so to build up a supply for when he eventually goes to my mom's for the day and/or when I go back to work.

Changes

Yesterday Noah was having a growth spurt, nursing more frequently, sleeping, etc. Today he's a different baby! I notice that today (incidentally one day after his "due date") he is much more alert, looks at toys, stays awake longer, and makes better eye contact. It's so neat to watch the milestones already!

Personalities

I have been absolutely fascinated by the personality differences between Noah and Nathan, even at their young ages. I always thought Nathan was pretty low maintenance, until I met Noah. Now I realize that Nathan is a mini-me and Noah a mini-Jason. Here's a few distinctions:

Nathan:

goes from 1 to 11 on the temper scale in 2 seconds (me)

emotional, wears his heart on his sleeve (me)

organized, to a fault (me)

always hot (Jason)

doesn't like physical affection (Jason)

Nurturer (me)

Noah:

mellow personality, if he's hungry he'll just grunt rather than go to an all out I'M STARVING scream (Jason)

cold hands and feet (me)

internalizes pain or concerns rather than letting it out (Jason)

I don't THINK I'm anthropomorphizing Noah, I feel like these are pretty accurate observations. Time will tell I guess!

Struggle

So, I'm sick :( Not only do I rarely get sick, but I'm in no physical or emotional state to be sick right now. Last night around 6 I felt a little feverish, so I took my temp and it was right at 100.5. Half an hour later it was at 101.8. So many fears are running through my mind- am I contagious? Do I have an infection? Does Noah feel warm? I am unprepared for this! All I want to do is feel better and spend endless hours snuggling with my newest addition. Thank god I have had so much help from my parents, and I'm now on antibiotics that will hopefully knock whatever this is out and return me to good health and good spirits (incidentally, another fear is the abx passing into Noah's milk- will it be ok for him?).

I think I am especially sensitive because of what happened right after Noah was born. with Nathan, he stayed with me from the PACU onward, but Noah was whisked away due to the low blood sugar and though you've read that story from Jason's perspective, I have not shared mine. Literally minutes after going into the PACU and getting a brief moment with Noah, he was taken to the nursery to address his blood sugar level. I had to stay extra time in the PACU due to spiking a fever and having the shakes really bad. I think I got up to the mother baby unit around 4:00 or 4:30 and they refused to let me see Noah. I couldn't go to him in the nursery until I could get into a wheelchair, and he was not allowed to leave the nursery. Basically, after his sugar stabilized, he had trouble maintaining his temperature. I asked to go in to do skin to skin and was told no, due to the above reasons. I asked if Jason could go in to do skin to skin and was told that it would have to be approved by the ped. I was just heartbroken a) that I couldn't see him right away and b) that he was by himself in a nursery, lying on a hard bed. They told me he might not be cleared until the afternoon, and at that moment, as they say, I lost my shit. I called my mom in tears. I got ready to call my ped to override this stupidity. Luckily, he ended up coming in earlier than that, but I was a very unhappy person.

Back to my original point. I don't like not being able to attend to his needs 100% or snuggle him because I myself desperately need a nap, to the point where my body has been periodically shutting itself down and taking sleep as it needs it to heal. I hope this passes soon.

Nathan's first week

Well, it's been a week at midnight since Nathan's little world was turned upside down, beginning with being woken up in the middle of the night to go to to Grandma Lynn's for a sleepover and culminating with bringing this little person, Noah, home for good. For the most part (and being that he's only two and a half), he's handled everything rather well! He is intensely proud of his big brother status and will say things like "ohhh, you're so cute," or when company comes over "come see baby Noah's room!" Noah doesn't cry much, so that is good for his likability factor from Nathan's perspective. At first Nathan was a little scared of my owie and also standoffish with me, telling me "no high fives, no nose kisses, no hugs" but luckily the embargo has ended and he's back to loving on me- at least as much as he did before, lol.

He was also very wired the first few days, he couldn't focus or do projects like he normally does, but now he has settled down. I have been spending time with him when the baby sleeps and we're doing special projects together, especially cooking, when we can. Jason takes him out on errands so they can have "special Daddy Nathan time" and though he exhibited a bit of separation anxiety leaving Jason and me at the house at first, he's also gone out with my parents a bit. Today I would say was his first "mostly normal" day.

His little antics continue, here are a few of just the most recent:

- He has a stuffed baby giraffe that came with balloons that my aunt sent. It started off with needing to put a diaper (and even requesting a wipe and telling the giraffe "legs up! legs down!") and progressed to needing to feed the baby giraffe milk (I gave him a bottle we don't use and told him to fill it with special giraffe milk, a carton of milk from his play kitchen). Well, today, he wanted milk for the giraffe's bottle and refused to get the milk "I want the milk from MOMMY's fridge!" He went to our fridge and started saying to himself "I can't open it! It's too heavy!" One of us tried to give him the carton of play milk and he told us "NO, it's no RE-ALL!" Silly us, we were trying to feed the giraffe fake milk.

- Last night I asked him "Can you get me the blue pillow (boppy) and he replied "mommy, what's the magic word??" Guess that manners thing is working a little too well.

As for Noah, he is doing well. He is very mellow and sleeps a lot so far. He sleeps for 4 hour stretches at night, which is so beyond awesome that I can't even say. He is a little snuggler that is built like Jason but has cold feet and hands like me. Whereas Nathan would go from zero to ten in a second, like me, Noah is slower to get worked up and will ask nicely for a long time before getting agitated. It's so funny to see personality differences even at this young age! Almost makes me want another one... No, wait, on second thought...

Birth story part 2 with slight redactions to correct information :)

Noah Lincoln Eule

Born 8/8/11 at 1:25 am
8lbs 2oz c-section after 25 hours of labor

All vitals are good, but his blood sugar was on the low side. His umbilical somehow managed to get tied in a knot, which can be life threatening, and was not discovered until the c-section.

He was taken to a watch area where they got an IV in him. Its 3:30 in the morning now, it took about 45 minutes for them to be successful. They could not find a vein. Ended up putting it into the top of his head. Everything looks good now and we are just waiting on the blood sugar test to come back in about 20 more minutes after the IV push. If he does not require another push and his blood sugar starts to rise they will give him some doses of formula to spike it some more before allowing breast feeding.....speaking of which Cara is probably knocked out by now.

She is a few floors down in recovery. She had the shakes pretty bad from a side effect of the epidural.They gave her some Demerol to control that. She is still numb, last I talked to here about 45 minutes ago so they are not going to release her for a while. I am sure she is sleeping by now anyways.

Once I check to see that Noah's blood sugar is going up, I am going to try to get a little sleep myself while they are feeding him over the next couple hours. Other than that, all his signs are very good and he is healthy and is looking around and sticking out his tongue. He gave me a few high fives right when I first met him and barely made a peep through all his pokes and prods. Looks like we might have another easy kid....


Update...just went to check on the status...the blood sugar jumped back to normal so he is going to be just fine now. After he gets his little nightcap of formula he is going to sleep it off. Sounds like a good idea, I will try that also.




11 a.m.
Noah just got delivered to our room about 1/2 hour ago. After the low blood sugar incident was fixed, he ended up having a drop in temperature. So they wanted to keep him in observation and treat him. They started an antibiotic treatment and then ran some other tests. The blood culture test will still be a bunch of hours away from getting results but the Complete blood count test came back good so he was moved over to the regular nursery and cleaned up. They told us they feel confident everything is fine, but it is procedure.

They are still going to continue the antibiotic treatment because they started it so he still has his IV in for the mean time. Cara is lively now with just a little bit of pain. Noah is sleeping it all off and is getting settled into being in Cara's arms. She is happy...it was an emotional night for her. She did not get to hold the baby until now.

So the anxiety is slowly melting away because it seems like all the hurdles have been jumped through and we are on the home stretch. We are just waiting on him being able to latch on and breast feed which will be his first attempt here pretty soon. He got a big dose of formula before being released to us by the nursery.

Pictures will be coming soon once I get chance to upload. This network is very slow. Cara posted one on her face book account earlier though.

Noah's birth story

I'd had the 6th of August picked as my "guess date" for Noah's arrival, with my other two guesses the 8th and the 16th. On the 6th, I got up in the morning and went to a prenatal/hatha yoga class, as I'd been feeling the urge to do yoga for some mental centering and also to maybe position him correctly. I accomplished both of these, as I left feeling refreshed and with him turned from an OP to what felt like an ROA position! I'd even felt him make the move during class and swing his back around.

Later that day we went to my in-laws' for my nephew's 8th birthday party. We had a great time swimming and relaxing, though I had this nagging fear of my water breaking in my father in law's pool and him never swimming again. I didn't have a single contraction all day. When we got home, during the late afternoon, Nathan and I both took naps. I woke up around 7:30 still feeling groggy, unrested, and just kind of blah. Jason took care of Nathan's needs and I relaxed. Eventually I headed to bed at about 10 p.m.

At midnight, I felt a tiny trickle and thought the baby kicked my bladder so I'd better go pee. Then- gush- whoa, my water broke! I said as much to Jason and he popped right up. Then, another gush, gush, gush. I started to tell him to bring me a waterproof pad, no, a towel, no, just come help me get to the bathroom. I was just a little thrown off! The funny thing was that the last thing I thought before I went to bed was that I should put down a waterproof pad just in case. I called my midwife and doula, and began to have mild contractions 7 minutes or so apart. Both Rhonda and Kaleen said to call them in the morning, or sooner if things picked up. I also called my mom and Jason called his parents. We decided to take Nathan and Jada over to my in-laws' before things got more intense, so we did that and got back home around 1:30.

When we got home, Jason went to sleep, but I couldn't lie down during the contractions so I went to the family room. The best way to deal with them was to sit on the footstool of my glider and then lean over an exercise ball propped on the coffee table, so I did that for most of the night. I called Kaleen and Rhonda around 7 and things were still pretty slow, as I was getting significant breaks between contractions. I was listening to my hypnobabies tracks the whole time and just listening to the visualizations and affirmations. I imagined blowing toward my stomach and blowing the contraction away, and it worked. I felt very encouraged. The original plan was for Rhonda to come over and labor with me, but the way timing turned out, Kaleen came over at 10 and stayed with me from then until the very end. She wanted to get me into a good pattern of labor, so we tried some mild herbs, pumping, and lots of position changes. They started getting closer together, too. She checked me and I was bummed to hear only 2 but mostly effaced. More position changes, including lots of reclining and abdominal lift and tucks- he had come so far out of OP that he was too far out to put the right pressure downwards in my pelvis!

At lunchtime, we sent Jason to Toojay's to get sandwiches, and I told Kaleen that this point had actually been part of my birth visualization plan :) I knew eating something heavy like that might be a mistake later, but it sounded SO good. We continued changing positions and even went for a very short very slow walk. By this point, I had to lean on Jason during a contraction, because I couldn't just stand through them. They were definitely more intense and I think by this point I was feeling them differently and vocalizing a little through them, especially saying "peace" and "open" over and over. I asked Kaleen if the contractions were going to stay this way for the rest of labor, and she said probably. I thought maybe I was farther along than I thought, though in the back of my mind I knew it probably was not a very big number. After coming back inside for a while, Kaleen suggested that I get in the shower for a little while. Well, I hated the feeling of the shower, so I got out pretty quickly. Jason suggested that we head to the hospital, and I told Kaleen that I wanted to but I was afraid that I would give in to the epidural right when we got there. She asked if I wanted her to check me first, and I said no because the number was going to be the same regardless and we intended to go to the hospital either way. So off we went. Time was pretty much in warp mode all day, but I think this was about 3 p.m.

Kaleen had called me in already, but we still had to wait in admitting for a few contractions and then in the lobby area of the L&D floor. I honestly didn't care too much, I was still listening to my ipod and vocalizing as I needed to. We got into a room, and Jason immediately looked and found that there was no tub. Kaleen cleared this up immediately and had me walk around the corner to a different vacant room. We filled the tub and guess what? First it was too hot, then when I finally did get in, I hated that too :( Boo. Sometime around this point my mom had arrived too. There was a cervical dilation picture on the wall and I told Jason to cover it up because I didn't want to see it. Everyone found that amusing. By this point I was not on top of anything. I was not in a state of awesome blissful self-hypnosis. I was not avoiding the word "pain" anymore. I, at this point, was begging for an epidural. Jason, amazingly and awesomely, was the first person to tell me no, contrary to last pregnancy when he encouraged me to get it even though I had wanted to go natural then. My mom and Kaleen both told me no way. Kaleen checked me and I was only at a 4! Nooooooo! How could it be this bad and this was only just barely active labor? I said that physically I could do it, but mentally there was no way. Kaleen said this was all the more reason to push through it, that it was just a mental challenge. Finally they (mom, Kaleen, Jason) suggested that I talk to anesthesia and do the consents so that everything would be ready if I DID go through with it, and I said okay. Every contraction after that, I would ask in between where the interview people were. By the time they arrived, I just wanted to go straight to the epidural. I verbalized that I understood I would be giving up mobility, but also that I needed a break and maybe the epidural would allow my body to work since I was fighting myself with every contraction. Also, I had been feeling "pushy," as I did in my first labor, even though we knew I wasn't dilated, so I could potentially swell or even injure my cervix by pushing against myself.

Getting the epidural was pretty much the easiest part of labor. It was a little more uncomfortable than I remember, but it's like having the end of a race in sight. I believe as I was getting it or right before that Jason took video of me saying yes, I changed my mind, I did want it, and also confirming that he did try to talk me out of it- for later exoneration if needed, I suppose. This was maybe around 6:45 or so. After I got the epidural, Kaleen checked me and I was progressing, the baby was even coming down some. She left to take a sleep break and round on some other patients, and I just hung out in bed, still visualizing "open, open, open" every time I had a contraction. The contractions continued slow and steady. When Kaleen came back, she put in a IUPC to better see the contractions. She checked me and I believe at this point I was 5-6! I was moving in the right direction and was now more dilated than I ever got in my last labor. Over the next hour or maybe two, the baby had a few decels that were not great signs, and also I was having a little more blood than usual, which made me nervous. We decided if there were any more decels and/or I didn't make any more progress in the near future, that we would call it. I said that I did NOT want to end up in an emergency c-section situation. After that, things stabilized, and then I started to feel really nauseous/refluxy. I had a small emesis bin, ready to throw up some cherry popsicles, but after about 20 minutes I threw up... My corned beef sandwich! It made a huge nasty mess. Yuck. But, after that I felt much better. At the next check, I believe I was 8-9. They kept asking me if I felt different or felt any pressure. I didn't think so. Mentally, I started to prepare for getting my VBAC even with an epidural. At my next check, around midnight, I had swelled down to a 7. His head was not molding, and the swelling was a sign that he wasn't going to fit into the pelvic inlet. We all felt a little wishy washy, but at the same time knew it was the right call. I actually think I felt more okay about it than Kaleen- she really wanted me to have my VBAC! I told her that what I really wanted was to be given a true chance to VBAC, and I felt like I'd gotten that. Further, Noah and I would have the physiological benefits of labor.

She called the surgeon (incidentally, her backup surgeon was away, so we got HIS backup, who neither of us had ever met) and we started prepping for the OR. Jason had planned to accompany this time, but at the last minute, changed his mind and opted to wait in the room while my mom went with me. They wheeled me into the OR, gave me an assortment of meds, draped me, and then brought my mom in. I was a little nervous during the surgery, because I felt like I was going to faint, and also because it sounded to me like I was bleeding too much. When they got the baby out, I didn't hear him crying, but I just stayed calm and waited. It turned out that his first Apgar was 5, and they had to suction/bag him to get him going, but once they did his second score was a solid 9. They brought him over to me, my mom took some pics, and then he went off to meet Jason in recovery while they finished up with me. I was pretty loopy in recovery, but I remember Kaleen working at getting him latched. Just then, they came over to heel stick him for glucose... He had failed his first test :( Rest of story to be continued in a different post (Jason's emails to family)...

Maternity leave day two: how goes it

I'm on "true" maternity leave for the first time in my life! With Nathan, I worked until past my due date (although several of those last days I worked from home due to the misery of PUPPP). I was on email and working from home the day after returning home from the hospital- I vividly remember dictating an email to my mom as I nursed Nathan :)

This time I decided to take a different approach- rather than keep working to get my mind off of waiting, I decided to take off beginning at 37 1/2 weeks so as to enjoy my last few days with Nathan alone, better get myself into the mindset of the work ahead, eliminate stress, and just generally take better care of myself. Yesterday was my first official day off of work, and it felt like a second Sunday. We went to Sea World for a short while in the morning to catch the Elmo show, then came home, relaxed, and after meeting with our doula, ran a few errands. I was lucky to have Jason's help yesterday, but most of the coming days will just be Nathan and me, as Jason is working full time now.

I'm having some seriously conflicted feelings about taking a maternity leave- I place a lot of self-worth on working, so now staying home for 12 weeks means I need to adjust to earning my keep in different ways. Sadly, domestic goddess is not on my resume, so it will take some effort on my part. I always expected Jason to carry the bulk of the workload, since he worked part time while I commuted extensively and worked 40+ hours per week, but now the tables have turned. I also need to work on frugality since I'll not be pulling a paycheck for a while.

Besides for keeping up the house, I need to work on activities and learning for Nathan. Another thing I'm not good at, crafty teacher stuff. I've been trying to find some websites with resources and also working on planning out activities while he is napping so I am ready to go when he is- usually when I decide to do a project, I scramble to get all the pieces together while he sits and waits.

Lastly, today was my midwife appointment. I brought Jason in case he had any last minute questions, but he was predictably reticent. Oh well. Good news is I am 1 cm and about 70% effaced, much better than 38 weeks when I was pregnant with Nathan! I am practicing hypnobabies daily and it involves a lot of visualization, and I really think it's working! I have it in my head that the baby (no name- Jason has now said he likes the name Noah after all, so we are undecided between Lincoln and Noah) will come within the next week, but we shall see. Overall all I'm feeling good, relaxed, not too itchy, and ready!