Struggle

So, I'm sick :( Not only do I rarely get sick, but I'm in no physical or emotional state to be sick right now. Last night around 6 I felt a little feverish, so I took my temp and it was right at 100.5. Half an hour later it was at 101.8. So many fears are running through my mind- am I contagious? Do I have an infection? Does Noah feel warm? I am unprepared for this! All I want to do is feel better and spend endless hours snuggling with my newest addition. Thank god I have had so much help from my parents, and I'm now on antibiotics that will hopefully knock whatever this is out and return me to good health and good spirits (incidentally, another fear is the abx passing into Noah's milk- will it be ok for him?).

I think I am especially sensitive because of what happened right after Noah was born. with Nathan, he stayed with me from the PACU onward, but Noah was whisked away due to the low blood sugar and though you've read that story from Jason's perspective, I have not shared mine. Literally minutes after going into the PACU and getting a brief moment with Noah, he was taken to the nursery to address his blood sugar level. I had to stay extra time in the PACU due to spiking a fever and having the shakes really bad. I think I got up to the mother baby unit around 4:00 or 4:30 and they refused to let me see Noah. I couldn't go to him in the nursery until I could get into a wheelchair, and he was not allowed to leave the nursery. Basically, after his sugar stabilized, he had trouble maintaining his temperature. I asked to go in to do skin to skin and was told no, due to the above reasons. I asked if Jason could go in to do skin to skin and was told that it would have to be approved by the ped. I was just heartbroken a) that I couldn't see him right away and b) that he was by himself in a nursery, lying on a hard bed. They told me he might not be cleared until the afternoon, and at that moment, as they say, I lost my shit. I called my mom in tears. I got ready to call my ped to override this stupidity. Luckily, he ended up coming in earlier than that, but I was a very unhappy person.

Back to my original point. I don't like not being able to attend to his needs 100% or snuggle him because I myself desperately need a nap, to the point where my body has been periodically shutting itself down and taking sleep as it needs it to heal. I hope this passes soon.